yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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