Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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