Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
