Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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