when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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