am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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