The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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