I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
