he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
