I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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