I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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