the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
