Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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