Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
