Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And then he peed in my hair
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