girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
