your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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