i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
