My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
