i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
