im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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