I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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