Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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