i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
