I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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