Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
