don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
