I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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