I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Vodka?
Forever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
