I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
