Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
