Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
