Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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