I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
