i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
