So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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