the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
