my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
