you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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