you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
