I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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