do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
