I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
