just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need to sanitize my soul.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
