I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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