I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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