Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
