Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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