He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
