i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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