considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
