I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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